Child Abuse Awareness Month

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, a time to raise awareness about child abuse and neglect and encourage individuals and communities to support children and families.

The Blue Ribbon Campaign had its early beginnings in 1989 as a Virginia grandmother's tribute to her grandson who died as a result of abuse. She tied a blue ribbon to the antenna of her car as a way to remember him and to alert her community to this tragedy.

Child abuse affects children of every age, race, and income level. Too often our children are hurt by the people they know and trust- a parent, relative, babysitter or friend of the family. Many times the abusers are ordinary people caught in stressful situations.

So what can you? Get involved and Get Informed!

The best way to prevent child abuse is to help families develop appropriate parenting, communication and coping skills, and to learn the signs.

When parents have the necessary knowledge about the prevention of Child Abuse, they are better equipped to protect their children from harm. Education, Awareness, and Correct Action helps to ensure healthy development of our children.

NOW is a good time for us to look at this crisis. The statistics are shocking: A child is abused every 40 seconds! Blue ribbons are now worn by many in the month of April in memory of the children who have died as a result of abuse and to commemorate those who have diligently worked in the endeavor to prevent child abuse and neglect.

Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse

The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual child abuse or incest is denial: “I do not have to be concerned about that in my community.” “That would never happen in my family.”

The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He/she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business, a sports coach, scout leader, or celebrity. Sex offenders do not fit a classic stereotype and are not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic.

The majority of people find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the sex offender is someone they like, admire, love, and/or marry. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sex offenders leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood they will be abused.

Myth: Rape/incest runs in the family--it is in the genes.

Fact: Rape is not in the genes in the family of someone who rapes. Rape is perpetrated by someone who is acting out rage. Physical and sexual child abuse are the majority factor in creating the level of rage that compels anyone to commit rape, domestic violence or murder. We have known for a long time that the one commonality among rapists is physical and/or sexual child abuse. Serial killer, Ted Bundy is a classic example of this phenomenon. Since 80% of sexual child abuse survivors are sexually abused by family members there are usually several generations within a rapist's family--sometimes both maternal and paternal. Current statistics reveal 70% of children are physically abused once a week. It is believed the number of children who are physically abused has decreased in the past 15 years. However, the current rapists in society would have grown up in the era when physical abuse was more prominent, therefore, we can assume there is a high percentage of people, who are potential rapists when we consider date rape and rape in domestic violence, which is seldom reported or if it is reported, is seldom prosecuted. Therefore, society has no way to access the number of rapes committed per capita.

Child Sexual Abuse Misconceptions Perpetuated

It is distressing to read an article by a well-known professional organization, “Understanding Child Sexual Abuse Education, Prevention, and Recovery,” which perpetuates child sexual abuse misconceptions.

For example—the article states: “There is no universal definition of child sexual abuse.” E. Sue Blume set forth a universal definition of child sexual abuse in her book, Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women, published 1991. Ms. Blume derived the definition on the experiences of women who survived various and unfathomable acts of sexual child abuse versus professional opinion as to what sexual abuse is or is not.

It is astonishing that the APA (publisher of the aforementioned article) is clearly ignorant of this highly acclaimed work and is continuing to perpetuate antiquated perceptions regarding child sexual abuse. This egregious inaccuracy is tantamount to aiding and abetting sex offenders as the judicial system relies on the APA to set definitions and standards for social issues—such as: domestic violence, child sexual abuse, rape, etc.

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships are like all other relationships.

1. They are an acknowledged connection between two or more people...
2. They can be voluntary or involuntary

And whether you are a therapist...or a minister...you will intervene differently with a volunteer "victim" than you would with a non-voluntary or captive victim. Because the volunteer victim is more difficult to deal with.

But first you have to spot the crucial difference between the two.

Abusive relationships are most often involuntary. As you might guess...most people will not allow others to abuse them. Child abuse comes immediately to mind because a child victim is literally the captive of the abuser.

(Abused adolescents often try to un-volunteer by running away from their abusers...but they can't change things for the better. Because we all know...and the teenager finds out pretty fast...that the world is just not set up to take care of adolescent needs for money...food...shelter and clothing.

So...the runaway adolescent might have to become a thief...a vagrant...a drug user...even a prostitute. These are forced choices that only add to the life-sapping effects of the original abuse.)

Some other captive victims could be the elderly, the physically disabled, the mentally disabled such as people with Alzheimer's disease, or those who are institutionalized in mental hospitals, nursing homes or prison.

But some people who can leave their abusers often do not. Or, if they do, they return of their own free will. These people are not victims...they are volunteers.

For the true victim in an involuntary relationship...the abuser calls the shots...the hits...the emotional abuse...the sexual assaults. And the victim can do little else but cooperate with the abuse.

Volunteer "victims" only play their role...and their "tormentors" only get to play the abuser role with the permission of...the casting director...the volunteer "victim"...who can leave the abuser. The abuse only takes place while the volunteer "victim" allows it. These volunteer "victims" are often difficult to help.

To read some examples and find out more about healthy relationships, as well as real and voluntary abuse victims, click on the link below.

Thomas Drummond, Ph.D. is trained in clinical, developmental and neuropsychology.

Sexual Abuse Of Youth

I can tell you from many discussions with people young and old that sexual abuse in the church is more common than mentioned. According to The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study, 93% of admitted Child Molesters claimed to be religious (Abel, G.G., & Harlow, N (2001). Even though we know that sexual abuse occurs with those who do not claim Christianity, the number of those claiming religion is extremely high. Many people claim to know what the bible says about sexual sin. However, when a sexual sin is broken by the one who preaches it; the media uses it as an avenue to find fault within the religious community. Satan uses this to destroy people's belief in God.

The goals of this article are to:

1. Show youth and adults how to heal and overcome sexual abuse within the church.

2. Equip parents and adults in the Christian faith on how to minister to those who have been sexually abused in the church.

Once these goals are completed within this article, Satan can no longer have victory over the victims life. We know that sexual abuse among youth in the church is only a spirit that has been released in the earth in order to hinder the body of Christ at large. However, through prayer, trust in God, and trust in his word we cannot lose.

Sexual Abuse among children has always been an issue in society; however, it has become an increasing problem that has caused much physical, mental and emotional damage. Because of the increase of sexual abuse among youth, more and more people are finding ways to help youth who have been sexually abused.

Sexual Abuse among the youth doesn't care about age, race, religion, or financial status. It is one of the tools Satan uses in order to try to destroy our youth. Psalms 8: 2 says, "Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you; toddlers shout the songs that drown out enemy talk, and silence atheist babble." (The Message Version) Satan uses sexual abuse among youth in and outside the church in order to sow seeds that would destroy their destiny. He wants to silence the mouth of our youth forever. However, if one will trust in God, his purposes will always prevail!

Sexual immorality is an ever increasing issue not only in the world but in the church as well. Because of this increasing issue, sexual immorality has now even spilled over and is affecting the children in the body of Christ. We as members of the body of Christ have the responsibility to allow God to use us in becoming a solution to the ever growing problem through prayer and support.

Today, many churches try to keep sexual immorality hidden inside the house of God. We must recognize that God ultimately sees everything. He will bring to light those things that have been practiced in darkness. Fornication, adultery, homosexuality and molestation exist in many churches across the world. The body of Christ has a responsibility to make sure that none of these sins be named among us. The places where the body of Christ goes to worship should represent God's presence and his holiness.

If there is a deep hurt within your heart and you don't know how to let it go, then I'm here to tell you that God is a deliverer right now! Have you been sexually abused in the church by someone you trusted and it has leaded you down a road of promiscuity? Maybe you have been sexually abused by someone outside the church that you trusted. If so, then I want to pray this prayer with you because God is real and he is a deliverer! I know him to be a deliverer from my own experiences. God has brought me through the hurt, the pain, the rejection, the disappointment and has set me free. Now it is your turn to be free!

True healing from any hurt has to come from God's word. Hebrews 4:12 says "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." God loves us enough to search deep within our inner being to bring healing.

We have the option to go to counseling and to talk to others. However, until we choose to let go and allow the word of God to penetrate deep within our spirits, we will never experience true healing through God's word. Trusting in God's word to heal us is a choice. God's word is here to heal us and deliver us from the hurt of abuse. But until we open our hearts to receive the deliverance, healing for us will remain dormant. We must realize that if we choose not to receive the deliverance of God's word in our heart, it still does not make God's word of none effect. God's word will always have power to deliver us whether we choose to let it or not. Some people would rather remain in past hurts. They will allow others to enable their hurt instead of receiving their healing. Those who truly want to be set free will seek God's word for deliverance. We are creature of choice. God will not force his deliverance upon us. We have to make the decision to receive his healing.

God also sends others to help those through the sexual abuse. At many stages in life, God sends and ordains anointed mentors in order to take you from one stage in life to another. Having an anointed mentor plays an important part when it comes to complete healing and deliverance from the scars of abuse in the church.

There are several things to remember concerning youth who have been sexually abused. It is important to understand that sometimes children are afraid to tell others due to guilt and fear. Parents and youth leaders have to know how to communicate with your child. Don't overreact if a child discloses the abuse. Pastors ask for references when getting youth volunteers and prayerfully choose God fearing leaders. Finally, train staff on how to work with youth.

In closing, understand that the abuser is almost always a person who has been abused himself. So, if you are an abuser, the first thing to do is to forgive yourself. You then need to release those who have abused you and this can be done through counseling. Get Help. It is never too late to start!

How to Accept Your Child Without Accepting Negative Behavior

If you're a parent, you will experience it: the screaming child; the insolent teenager; the temper tantrum; the silent treatment, the "look". That cute little girl has just thrown her orange drink across the back seat of your car; that adorable little boy has grown up and insists on slamming the door and cranking up the music when it's time for homework. What do you do? Experts will tell you to look at them and love them anyhow. But face it, in these moments all you want to do is get through it without losing your mind or your temper. It is precisely during these trying tests that the practice of meditation will come to your aid.

One of the benefits of meditation is that you allow time to see things just as they are. During meditation you keep your mind quiet but often images or thoughts will pop up. When that happens, you simply see the image, think the thought, and then let it go. You learn to see it without placing any judgment; see it without trying to resolve it; see it without responding. Once you let it go, you return to your meditation and clear your mind.

How does this help? Ideally, you will practice meditation consistently so that you can increase your brain muscle. Athletes practice daily so that their response to a certain circumstance will be automatic. That free throw or that ballet routine will be executed without thinking. This same concept transfers to meditation and training your brain.

When that highly intense situation surfaces, you will be better equipped to see what is really happening with your child. You learn to be more mindful of your child's moods and triggers. You allow yourself to empathize or sympathize with what they are going through. How you see things will affect what action you decide to take.

That little girl that threw the drink may simply be over-tired; that teenager with the loud music may just need a few minutes after school to blow off some steam before diving into homework.

When you see the situation for what it really is, rather than reacting and creating a more explosive situation, a few things can result. The situation can be contained more quickly because the child doesn't have to defend or argue. Plus, by handling the situation with a bit of perspective rather than reacting in anger, you build trust with your child. They come to know that even when they are behaving badly you will still love them. Also, you are allowing your child to respond to whatever is bothering them.

This doesn't mean that you let your child's moods run your life. Quite the opposite. You can allow your child to express their anger and frustration, just as you would allow them to express their joy and happiness; however, you preserve the relationship and trust so you can teach them what is and is not acceptable behavior.

When my daughter was little, she had what I called "meltdowns". One moment she was laughing and the next she was screaming and crying. It was confusing and frustrating for both of us. After a while, I noticed that she needed to eat something at least every three hours - some carrots, a glass of milk, just something small. Once I figured this out, I kept some sort of snack in my purse. However, this was not enough. It would not have been fair to her if I was the only one aware of this trigger to her mood change. I had to empower her with knowledge so that she could understand what was going on. Also, I let her know that even though it was okay for her to feel the way that she was feeling, it was not okay for her to express those confusing feelings with negative behavior.

The transformation didn't happen overnight, but the breakthrough was incredible to witness. She was having a meltdown. I got down on my knees and looked into her face as she sobbed and told me what was wrong which went something like this: "My shoes are blue and I want them to be black and my pony tail is crooked and the sun isn't shining and..." Then it happened as she continued, "and I'm just hungry and need to eat!"

Breakthrough! From that point forward she was able to recognize that a certain feeling meant that she needed to get something to eat.

I won't kid you, all negative behavior didn't stop - after all she was only about 4 years old; but, there was no more negative behavior that was caused by some sort of low blood sugar.